For this week’s blog post I think Tom Petty says it best in his song The Waiting. I actually used this quote as my senior high school year book quote. It’s amazing how much it still rings true even after the 16 years since I graduated (and yes saying 16 years makes me feel a little old). “Take it on faith, Take it to the heart. The waiting is hardest part.”
December 30th marked my half-way point of deployment. Now this date is worst case scenario for half-way night. December 30th is assuming I won’t return home until the end of July. I suspect I will be home closer to the beginning of July, but I decided to go with the latest possible date. Better to be early than late!
I planned a surprise half-way night celebration for the family. I found it fun to plan and as you know I love surprises, so the surprise for my family was equally as fun for me. I did let my parents know what was going on, since my dad was going to drive them to the event. TJ however, hates surprises and was not in on what was going on. He really did everything in his power to sabotage the entire thing. It started out by him deciding to work on Saturday the 30th. He hasn’t worked a Saturday in months, and that’s the one he chooses. We worked it out so he would be home in time, but he was reluctant to comply. Then a few days prior to the surprise, he said he was going to a hockey game. He really was doing everything he could to ruin the surprise.
In the end they all loaded up the car, including TJ, and drove to Milwaukee to see A Charlie Brown Christmas. I sent them all letters they were not allowed opened until December 30th. In the car ride, they opened and read their letters. Everyone enjoyed the show, including TJ! To finish the evening in style they went to Olive Garden to get their carbo load on. They need their energy to get through the second half of this deployment and as classy and my family is, Taylyn ended up throwing up in the restaurant. It’s nice to see nothing has really changed!! Although in the end they all had fun celebrating a big moment, the HALF-WAY MARK!
In my Christmas post I wrote about Taylyn not talking to me. She doesn’t want to interact with me at all. Despite not talking to me, she cries for me most nights. Often she wakes up and calls for me multiple times throughout the night. TJ cuddles her and has her cuddle her mommy doll. I think she is just tired of hearing mommy is at work and then I never come home. Buddy even told her once I wasn’t ever coming home. He was angry with her for crying so much and he did admit he was just trying to be mean. It hurts me to hear she is so upset by my absence. As much as I’m hurt by her actions, she is equally as hurt and she’s only two years old.
I want to share with you a note I received from a friend of mine from Life Fitness. Julie Daly wrote me this sweet note below, which really brought everything into perspective.
Hi Darchelle – Happy Almost 2018! More importantly, Happy Half-Way Point!!! I was really sorry to read in your last blog that Taylyn isn’t talking to you, as a fellow mother I instantly felt your pain. But also just remember that Taylyn is in pain too, and in her young life this may be the only way she can think to protect herself from her pain. She can’t truly fathom how far away you are, let alone why you need to be there. Your other kids are hurting too but at least they can begin to grasp the situation and better deal with it. Just remember that Taylyn is behaving this way BECAUSE she loves you so much and doesn’t know how else to handle her pain. So as hard as it is to not talk to her, know that in her young life that is her way of showing how much she misses you! Time has not become flexible for her yet, but you and I know that sometimes a minute can seem like forever and other times we can remember things that happened years ago like they were yesterday. At Taylyn’s age, every day still seems like a lifetime and even little details mean a lot, so big things like missing your Mom throw off your whole world. Please hang in there and know that every refusal to talk is just a show of how much she misses you. I know that may not help you much, but I hope it helps to know that other moms are thinking of you and feeling your pain! On another note, very glad to hear you’re OK after the car bombings, I saw that on the news and was worried about you. Stay safe and hang in there!!
I did see a little happiness in Taylyn. Last week she came home from school and told my mom “Mom will love this.” She made me a painting where she put her fingerprints on the canvas and her teachers drew in the rest. I know she misses me, and is excited for me to come home. I have to remember just because I feel better when I talk to her, she hurts more and I need to respect that.
Buddy has been doing particularly well. Every time I call he tells me what a great days he’s having. He is now taking care of Taylyn at night. He took the spot next to her on the floor. Timyra decided she is grown and needs privacy and has moved back to her own room. This is the first time in three years she’s slept in a room without her brother. If you look closely behind Timyra in the picture, you see 2000 in a yellow strip on a gray shirt. Timyra is sleeping with my senior year of high school state cross country shirt. I’m glad it’s going to good use!
Every minute is a minute closer to a little break and time with my family. My senior high school year book quote tells it all. “Take it on faith, Take it to the heart. The waiting is hardest part.” As always the time will pass and then we’ll be together again, even if for a short time!